Communication - Without a Word

Non-verbal messages can be very loud

• Do you ever feel as if you are being given the “cold shoulder” and yet nothing has been said?

• Do you find yourself protectively crossing your arms over your chest when criticisms are coming your way during an uncomfortable or difficult conversation?
  


• Have you ever experienced the “silent treatment” for days or gone into retreat yourself?
  


• How do you feel if someone in pointing their finger at you during a verbal exchange?
  

Communication is usually very clear even if nothing is said

I often hear from couples, "We just don't know how to communicate".

Well, that might be what seems to be the problem. However, the way I see it, there is usually very clear communication happening. Sometimes this may happen without one word being uttered while other more subtle ways of getting the message across are played out.

There might be a roll of the eyes, crossing the arms across the chest, a deep and meaningful sigh, turning away from each other or even a not-so-subtle yawn.

I'm sure there are many more gestures or body movements that haven't been mentioned and yet are very powerful forms of non-verbal communication.

The big flick

A real doozy I witnessed the other day happened between two women in an office foyer. One woman was waiting to meet someone and as she was approached by a second woman, instead of verbally acknowledging her, she waived her hand in a manner than looked to me as if she was literally giving her the flick. She made no eye contact. Not a word was spoken and yet I picked up a very clear communication of dismissal. It was a similar action to repelling an unwanted insect. It may have been an intentional gesture or a reaction to some past hurt. I have no idea. Whether intentional or not, mission was accomplished and the second woman turned away and kept walking. Neither woman spoke a word and yet communication took place.

The real communication issue – Hurt feelings

The way I see it, the problem isn’t so much one of not being able to communicate, rather than knowing how to communicate in a way that achieves a positive outcome for all concerned. Usually hurt feelings are what get in the way of positive communication. The messages are being sent in an underhand way instead of upfront and with clear ownership of what the hurt is all about.

Effective communication skills can be learned. Quite often it is a skill that doesn’t come naturally because it wasn’t something that happened at home or taught at school. Counselling is one way of learning effective communication skills along with many courses that are available through the workplace or privately.

Do you have any interesting stories you would like to share about non-verbal communication? I have focused on ways of sending non-verbal negative messages in this article. Maybe you have some examples of how positive messages may be delivered non-verbally and are just as effective (or more so) that spoken messages.

Christine Bennett
http://www.caring4couples.com.au
0418 226 961